Broken
by marlee17
Summary: Cat and Jade are both in foster care, after meeting in Kindergarten they become inseparable. They always had a weird connection with each other and after Jade commits suicide Cat feels like a part of her brain has gone numb. After isolating herself from her friends Cat is left alone to put together the pieces of Jade's broken life and learn the truth.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one: Funeral

I sat there staring at my feet refusing to believe the situation I was in, refusing to believe that just three days ago my best friend killed herself. I knew there was something going on with her, I could feel it in my gut but I just didn't know what to do. Since the news was confirmed it seemed as if a part of my brain went numb, I could always feel her emotions and now she was gone. I felt like a part of me had left the earth, as if I wasn't sitting at only Jade's funeral but also a funeral for part of me. Everyone seems to be blaming themselves but it's not their faults, it's only mine.

"Cat come on the service is over now, we can go." Tori said to me as she touched my arm, I turned and looked at her with this look of confusion on my face. "Cat… stand up." She said as she started to pull me up from my seat, I got up and walked to the car with her. I gazed out the window as we drove to the cemetery, I wasn't ready to put Jade in the ground once and for all, I was the only one who truly knew her, the only one who could've stopped her. I failed her and I wasn't ready to let go. As we pulled into the cemetery Tori looked at me supportively but I could see the pity in her eyes, she was never as close to Jade as I was, she never knew her like I did, nobody did.

"If anybody has anything to say, you're free to do so. The grave service has come to an end." The pastor said after a long twenty minutes of prayers for Jade in the afterlife. Chatter started about how beautiful Jade was and how nobody understood why she would do this, why she would end her life at the tender age of sixteen. People began to place roses on the dirt covering Jade's casket, Jade's body. I couldn't take it. I kneeled down to the ground crying, I just I wanted to hug her and tell her it would be okay, but I would never be able to do that again.

"Cat… I know you're hurting, I'm here for you." Tori whispered to me as she tried to pull me back up to my feet. I turned to face her with tears running down my face, how could she think it was okay to pull me away from Jade? She and Jade were never that close, Jade never trusted her like she trusted me. I couldn't believe she would think that 'hurting' could even sum up my feelings about Jade's suicide.

"NO! YOU CANNOT MAKE ME LEAVE! SHE NEEDS ME!" I screamed through my tears. "Sh-she needs me, I can-can't leave her again. I already failed her, I-I cou-could've stopped her." I could barely get the words out as I dropped back down to my knees. I felt like that was where I had to be, I couldn't leave her, not now.

**AN: Hey guys! So I just got this idea for this story and wanted to know what you guys thought! So read and review please, it would mean a lot! Any suggestions just let me know!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Therapy

After the funeral Tori was unable to get me away from Jade's grave, Jade's body. Not even Beck, Andre, or Robbie could get me to leave, they ended up calling my foster parents. When Alice and Darren showed up they told me that they were bringing me to see my therapist Susan, I hated Susan with all my heart, so did Jade. Our nights would be spent making fun of that wretched women. The last thing I wanted to do was spend my afternoon with her trying to get me to talk about my feelings, talk about Jade's suicide. I started to run, I had to get out of there, I had no clue where I was going and I didn't care, I just had to get away. I ran halfway to Jade's foster home before dropping down to my knees, it was raining and I was cold, cold and alone. I knew this was a feeling I had to get used to because without Jade alone was a thing I was going to be a whole awful lot. I hugged my knees as tight as I could, I closed my eyes tightly hoping that I could just make it all go away, hoping I could bring Jade back.

"Cat? Cat is that you?" I heard a voice call in the distance, Robbie's voice. I didn't want him to find me, I didn't want him to see me like this but I couldn't move. My sobs became louder and soon enough Robbie was bent over me, he gently picked me up and carried me a few blocks away and put me in his car. "I found her, I'll bring her to the office." I heard him say into the phone, I knew that now I had no choice but to go see Susan. I spent the entire car ride bent over my knees staring at my shoes, I was shaking, I was crying and I hated that Robbie had to see me act like this. It wasn't fair, not to me and not to Robbie. It wasn't fair.

"Robbie?" I whispered into my knees, I wanted to tell him everything because I truly trusted him. I wanted to tell him I loved him and that I just couldn't be okay, not now. "I'm sorry… I just can't talk to her…" Part of me hoped he would stop for ice cream before turning onto some dead-end road where we could just talk, another part of me knew he wouldn't, that he couldn't.

"Cat, I know you don't want to, but you have to. It's the best thing for you right now, Jade's gone okay? She's not just going to walk to your house in the middle of the night when you're crying with your favorite ice cream to make it all better, she can't do that anymore. I wish she was still her, I wish that she didn't die but she did." Robbie didn't take his eyes off the road once, he was determined to get me there, to make me talk to someone I hated.

"She did not die, she KILLED herself. Do you not understand that? My best friend in the entire world killed herself! She didn't come to me and tell me what was going on, I have no clue what was going on with her! I could feel that there was something wrong but I didn't bother to ask, this is my fault! If I had talked to her I could've gotten her help and she would still be here!" I felt hot tears running down my face, burning my cheeks, I needed Jade to be with me…

"Cat you can't blame yourself, chances are she wouldn't have told you anyways. Okay? Just stop, I'm not the right person to talk to about this, Susan is." Robbie said as he pulled into the parking lot and somehow managed to drag me out of the car. As he carried me inside I thought about how nice it felt to be in his arms, how safe it made me feel, Robbie made me feel safe. A few minutes after being checked in he carried me into her office and sat me down on the couch, I buried my face into the pillow screaming, I was screaming just to know that I was still alive, to know that I was still apart of the human race even though I felt myself slipping away.

"Hi Cat." Susan said with a small smile, I wanted to claw her eyes out when I saw that smile, one of her patients was no longer apart of society and she was smiling? I felt my hatred of her grow. I slowly turned over to face her and immediately saw her face fall, she looked like she just saw a squirrel get hit by a car, shocked and a little upset. "Why don't you go into the bathroom right over there and clean up a little before we talk?" She suggested pointing to the bathroom that I had been in a hundred times, the bathroom I normally went in so I could text Jade when she wasn't there with me. I slowly got up and walked into the bathroom, the minute I got in there I could see why she looked so shocked, my face was covered in tears and mascara, my arms and dress had dirt on them, and there was this look in my eye, a look showing how broken I was. I couldn't recognize this girl that was staring back at me, I reached into my purse for a breath mint but came up with my nail file. I pulled up the bottom of my dress and dragged the file across my thigh, Jade and I made a pact to never let things get this far but Jade wasn't here, she let things go further. The pact was broken. I finished cleaning up and walked back out into the office, sat down on the couch, and swallowed my tears.

"I don't want to talk about it." I declared after five minutes of pure silence, I looked past her and at the wall, I couldn't stand to look at the look of pity in her eyes. I couldn't deal with that, I just wanted to disappear, to be with Jade.

"How about what's on your leg?" Susan said as she looked at the little bit of blood trickling down my leg, I didn't know what to do, so I cried. I just burst out crying, I had lost Jade and I had cut myself, it felt good and I wanted to do it again. I stood up and felt dizzy, I realized I had eaten since I hear about Jade and right as I was about to say something, everything went black.

**An: Sorry about the long wait! I didn't have my computer and I wanted to make sure it was perfect! Read and review! Ideas welcome!**


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